If you’d like to know more about the author who wrote the book you just closed with a happy sigh / threw at the wall / laughed and cried over / used for kindling / all of the above, this is the page for you!
Highlights of my writing career
1. Hand-wrote my first novel at age 17. Typed it and sent it to a publisher, who used it to line the office cat’s litter tray. My younger sister loved it, though.
2. Had another stab at fiction years later, when business journalism lost its, er, excitement. Not that any of my business stories ever veered into fiction…. Nearly six years later still, I sold my first novel to Harlequin (Question: Am I a slow learner? Answer: I refuse to answer on the grounds it may incriminate me). My family and friends were once again able to look me in the eye without pity or embarrassment. Or at least, not on account of my writing.
3. Sold another 18 books to Harlequin. Dismayed to find it gets harder, not easier, to write the best book I can. Clearly, writing books is not like riding a bike, driving a car or cleaning the bathroom. Thank goodness.
Five things that annoy me in fiction
1. “Little did she know…” This phrase makes me want to twirl my evil mustache. Since one of my life goals is never to have a mustache, no matter how hairy my grandmother was, this isn’t a good thing.
2. Characters who say the profound, perfect, just-right thing in those moments when everyone else flounders (e.g. in the face of death, serious illness, desperation, etc.). Luckily, I don’t know anyone like that in real life, with the excusable exception of my church pastor.
3. Books that feature too much death, serious illness, desperation, etc. And really evil, sick people. I like to sleep at night.
4. The general excess of characters raised in the foster care system and / or with alcoholic / abusive fathers and / or mothers who abandoned them. I believe most of us can screw up our lives and be entertainingly dysfunctional with perfectly “normal” backgrounds.
5. Scenes where people do housework. Hello? Have you never heard of escapism?
My five favorite health foods
1. Peanut Butter M&Ms – these puppies have 4 grams of protein per serve! (not to be confused with peanut M&Ms, which are entirely banal)
2. Strawberries – how can something that tastes so perfect actually be good for you?
3. Greek-style yoghurt (Don’t look while I drizzle some honey over…mmm)
4. Sourdough bread – lowish GI and delectably chewy
5. Macadamia nuts – enough said.
My most detested health foods
1. Cottage cheese. Did you know that stuff is made from mold scraped from the floorboards of decrepit cottages?
2. Egg white omelets. If it doesn’t have a yolk, it’s not an egg.
3. “Diet” soft drinks. They do taste different.
4. Fat-free salad dressing. That’s not salad dressing, it’s sugary water.
5. Vegetarian bacon and turkey. If you’re a vegetarian, you don’t get to eat bacon or turkey. Suck it up.
Two charities that in all seriousness I think are fantastic and very deserving of support
Freeset – a fair trade business offering employment to women trapped in Kolkata’s sex trade. Plus, they sell cool stuff.
Mercy Ships – takes hospital ships to developing nations, treating burns, tumors, obstetric fistula and many other conditions.